Seeds of Doubt
I am not a gardener. When I decided to plant a garden I had to research what plants would grow well in this area and where to buy them. I had a goal of having a beautiful garden, so I put a lot of time into research, digging up and clearing the land and buying the right seeds. Imagine this beautiful space with a bright, white trellace for lush, green snap peas to climb! Then there are the delicious, bright red strawberries dangling just within reach! The lovely stalks of corn with their silky tops reaching to the sky and the potatoes, carrots and zuchini filling the ground. OH!!! I loved my garden! I did as I’d read and went into the garden and watered it and pulled the weeds. I’d done my research, I knew what to do!
My friends and family would come over and we would sit in the sunshine and enjoy the fruits of my labor. They marveled at my lovely garden and ate of the fruits. Then my mom came over. She IS an amazing gardener! She can get anything to grow! Even things that shouldn’t grow up here in the cold north will grow for her.
She gasped at the colors in my garden and then pointed to the beautiful, purple topped flower in the corner. I didn’t know what it was, but it was so pretty so I just left it there. She told me the name of it and that it was a horrible weed! It was one of those weeds covered in tiny little needles and no matter how thick the gloves were when we pulled it out, we were likely to get pricked from it. YIKES! Once she pointed it out to me, I realized how many more of those pretty purple, flower topped weeds were in my garden! I set to work pulling them out. By the time I was done my fingers were bleeding and hurt for days! Those little needles had some kind of poison ithem so, although I got the the little thorn out, they still burned and itched for a long time!
Again I could look at my garden and marvel at the beauty! Again my mother came for a visit. See these low growing, wide leaf plants here? She pointed to the ground. Sure enough, there were thick, fuzzy, wide leaf plants there! She taught me about them and that those would grow deep roots and steal nutrients from the important plants in my garden. I reached for one and was shocked by how deep the root was! It went down and down! When did these nasty things get here? I went to work pulling them all out. I was hot and sweaty and dirty, but it was worth it!
Now I could sit back and enjoy my garden! No, mom says now I need to get out the little rake thing and loosen the dirt around the plants to make sure I dug out the little hidden weeds. Also, she points to the lovely little tree growing in the corner of my garden. I was going to leave that there I told her. I see it and water it! Isn’t it pretty? Sure it is she replies. You should know though, that that is a pine tree. Although beautiful, the sap in the trees drip down onto the soil and make it too acidic to grow anything, not even weeds. Oh. I didn’t know that. She also pointed out that a tree in that corner of my garden will block all of the sunshine. I looked at that tree almost every day and never thought of it a problem or a barrier to what I wanted to achieve. Ok, that tree needs to go. Again I get out the shovel and do the work of removing the tree and the roots so it doesn’t continue to poison my garden.
I’m enjoying the ripe, lucious strawberries and crisp snap peas today when I looked down and there was one of those spiky, purple topped weeds! It is right at the base of my favorite zuchini plant! How did that get there? I grabbed my gloves and reached down to pull it out. The little spikes poke at me in resistence. It doesn’t want to leave! I try again. No luck. Mom says to break it off a few inches above ground and cover it with a heavy rock. Yeah, I’ll do that. I’m aware of it now, I’ll deal with it later. Later that week mom shows up with a little shovel and goes to work on that weed. It’s so deep! We really have to dig to get to it, but we have to be careful to get all the roots or it will grow back.
Now, for those of you that are on the AFT journey with me, you probably have already realized that the garden I’m talking about are my memories and the experiences that shaped me to be me. Mom is AFT. When I look out at my garden I can see the beautiful fruit; my family and friends, the things I’ve accomplished and the things I’m working towards.
I would never expect to plant a huge garden and simply have to water it for the season. It’s going to take some work. Setting and reaching our goals are going to take some work too! We need to let mom into the garden to find the things sucking the life out of our plants (dreams).
I had influential people in my childhood that poured into me. They told me I was smart and that I was a good writer, so I grew up believing I was smart and could write. I would look into my garden and see that. It took AFT to point out the seeds of doubt hiding in the shadows of those plants. The doubt was strangling my confidence and I didn’t even know it!
I’m in a Create Your 30 Day Miracle Challenge and I went into it with a goal. I expected, like with gardening, that I would need to pay some attention to my intentions and act on them. What I didn’t expect were the hidden little things that were stopping me! Those seeds of doubt were buried deep and had strong roots! It took me a couple of AFT sessions to get deep enough to actually identify what was stopping me, but when I did BOOM!! I felt so much lighter! With each session I’m able to identify seeds planted by others and dig them out! Once they are removed, I am free of their influence.
I love to write. I love to share with others and I love writing this blog. It doesn’t even matter if no one else ever reads it. I want to be here sharing, so I am. This analogy hit me this morning and I just had to share it! My mom really is an amazing gardener and is so skilled at it! I really am not. It took her pointing the weeds out to me before I knew what they were, so this really hit home. I hope you enjoyed reading it and it was as impactful to you as it was to me!
I’m certain there are more seeds of doubt and creeping vine in my garden, but that’s for another season 🙂
What is stopping you or sucking the life out of your garden?
Certified AFT Practitioner