Well, the fireman album is almost done and I have really enjoyed doing it. I’ll upload photos this weekend. You know, it truly amazes me; this world is full of such variety. On the one hand, we have amazing, kind, brave and genuine souls willing to run into a burning building (at the risk of their own lives) to save another life. These people deserve our applause and praise 🙂 This album is the least I can do to thank them. My sweet, amazing, gentle husband is the fireman type. He is first to offer help and he means it. He is loyal almost to a fault and he loves his family so deeply, so sincerely, it knocks the breath out of me sometimes.
On the opposite spectrum are the people that if their child ran in front of a bus, they would stand out of harms way screaming “someone save my child!” while pushing everyone else around them in front of the bus to save the child.
Once the child was out of harms way (for today) and returned, that same parent would then claim how they had saved the child and accuse everyone else of not doing enough.
Do you know people like that? They are the most difficult personality types to deal with. For me anyway. They are known as narcissists (See below). They put themselves ahead of everyone else and will destroy those around them, if needed, to get what they desire.
I love to do personality tests and I’m fascinated with people. I seriously considered going to school to be a psychologist, but instead went to be a teacher. The reason I changed fields was that the darkness in people, the negativity, is like fine dust. The more you are around it, the more that clings to you. I knew I wouldn’t be able to leave the job at work. I care too much.
Sometimes I’m surprised by the results of my personality tests, but rarely. Do you ever take them? I would love to hear from my readers on this subject. Facebook is fun for this. Some of their little quizzes are just dumb, but some are amazingly insightful. So far they say I’m determined, outgoing, loving and intelligent, although stubborn lol
My children are an extension of me (as children usually are lol). They are kind, generous, intelligent, hard working and amazingly insightful. I adore them and I’m so proud of them. They have grown to be amazing adults. Some of the paths may have been rocky, as life can be hard, but in the end they are moving forward and they are young adults that I’m very proud of.
Feeling a little introspective today I guess 🙂
How many have read this blog post?
The narcissist is described as turning inward for gratification rather than depending on others and as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, and prestige. Narcissistic personality disorder is closely linked to self-centeredness. It is also colloquially referred to as “the God complex.“
Theories on narcissistic personality disorder and shame
It has been suggested that narcissistic personality disorder may be related to defenses against shame.
Gabbard suggested NPD could be broken down into two subtypes. He saw the “oblivious” subtype as being grandiose, arrogant and thick skinned and the “hypervigilant” subtype as easily hurt, oversensitive and ashamed.
He suggested that the oblivious subtype presents a large, powerful, grandiose self to be admired, envied and appreciated. This self is the antithesis of the weakened and internalized self that hides in a generic state of shame. This is how the internalized self fends off devaluation, while the hypervigilant subtype neutralizes devaluation by seeing others as unjust abusers. This hypervigilant type does not fend off devaluation; he is obsessed with it.
Jeffrey Young, who coined the term “Schema Therapy”, a technique originally developed by Aaron T. Beck (1979), also links shame to NPD. He sees the so-called Defectiveness Schema as a core schema of NPD, next to the Emotional Deprivation and Entitlement Schemas. All Schemas may incorporate maladaptive coping styles, for example, the defectiveness schema may include:
- Surrender: Chooses critical partners and significant others; puts him- or herself down.
- Avoidance: Avoids sharing “shameful” thoughts and feelings with partners and significant others due to fear of rejection.
- Overcompensation: Behaves in a critical or superior way toward others; tries to come across as perfect.
DSM IV-TR criteria
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
- Has a grandiose sense of self-importance
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love (megalomania)
- Believes they are “special” and can only be understood by, or should associate with, people (or institutions) who are also “special” or of high status
- Requires excessive admiration
- Has a sense of entitlement
- Is interpersonally exploitative
- Lacks empathy
- Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
- Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
To the extent that people are pathologically narcissistic, they can be controlling, blaming, self-absorbed, intolerant of others’ views, unaware of others’ needs and of the effects of their behavior on others, and insistent that others see them as they wish to be seen. They may also demand certain behavior from their children because they see the children as extensions of themselves, and need the children to represent them in the world in ways that meet the parents’ emotional needs. (For example, a narcissistic father who was a lawyer demanded that his son, who had always been treated as the “favorite” in the family, enter the legal profession as well. When the son chose another career, the father rejected and disparaged him.)
These traits will lead overly narcissistic parents to be very intrusive in some ways, and entirely neglectful in others. The children are punished if they do not respond adequately to the parents’ needs. This punishment may take a variety of forms, including physical abuse, angry outbursts, blame, attempts to instill guilt, emotional withdrawal, and criticism. Whatever form it takes, the purpose of the punishment is to enforce compliance with the parents’ narcissistic needs.
People who are overly narcissistic commonly feel rejected, humiliated and threatened when criticised. To protect themselves from these dangers, they often react with disdain, rage, and/or defiance to any slight criticism, real or imagined. To avoid such situations, some narcissistic people withdraw socially and may feign modesty or humility. In the case of feeling the lack of admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation the person can also manifest wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply).
Though individuals with NPD are often ambitious and capable, the inability to tolerate setbacks, disagreements or criticism, along with lack of empathy, make it difficult for such individuals to work cooperatively with others or to maintain long-term professional achievements. With narcissistic personality disorder, the person’s perceived fantastic grandiosity, often coupled with a hypomanic mood, is typically not commensurate with his or her real accomplishments.
The exploitative, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, disregard for others, and constant need for attention inherent in NPD adversely affect interpersonal relationships.