Confront

Do you ever have an AHA moment? You know, that split second where you see something from a different perspective and you just know a light bulb appeared above your head and lit up like the bat signal! I had one of those moments recently. I was listening to a presentation on ‘Confront’, not to be confused with confrontation. I’m ok with confrontation, no aha’s there. If I’m cornered or I’m confronted, I stand my ground and deal with it. To confront is different.

Here is what the dictionary says:

The instructor was talking about Confront as in ‘face up to and deal with a problem or situation’. Just open that letter you don’t want to read, just face that fear, make that phone call, or reach out to that person. Not doing it doesn’t change it, doesn’t make it easier, doesn’t make it go away. In fact, often not dealing with it makes it worse!

The class was all about standing up and confronting what is stopping us. When we feel fear, we need to look inside and confront what holds us back from doing what we know we need to do.

That was my AHA moment right there! I’m more than comfortable with confrontation. Come at me, let’s get this over with. I can protect and defend myself and others, no problem. However, I am aware of this thing in me that sometimes silently and effortlessly slides in and almost takes me hostage. It is the weirdest feeling. All of a sudden I’ll be overcome with irrational fear over doing something and it’s almost always a simple something. It’s usually a task I’ve done before or really have no need to be fearful of. It sneaks in quietly and without fuss.

I’m not talking about skydiving here. I don’t think my fear of jumping out of a perfectly good airplane is irrational! 😉  I’m talking about needing to make a phone call and all of a sudden full of so much anxiety and fear that I can’t bring myself to dial the number! In that moment I KNOW the feeling is ridiculous. I know I shouldn’t fear making the call. I know the call needs to happen to resolve whatever it is I need resolved. Yet, I can’t make myself pick up that phone! Why not? Usually I just talk to myself and remind me how silly it is that I’m not doing what I need to do or I’ll remind myself of the consequences of not doing it. I’ll take a few deep breaths and list all of the reasons why I can do this. Que up the Rocky theme here!

My AH HA was that I need to confront my hurts. I tend to just stuff them down to ‘deal with later’, well apparently now is that later. It hit me out of nowhere during that class. I was listening and thinking, Oh I’m good at confrontation. I’m great with stepping up. I’m not usually overcome with fear of tackling something. Then it hit me. It was like I was sitting next to myself and said, “You fear reaching out. You fear rejection. You don’t reach out or call people even when you really want to. You don’t want to ‘bother’ anyone. You desperately want to connect with others and you don’t. You fear letting people down…..” Yeah, the list was even longer.

That’s when I realized I I haven’t actually been releasing those hurts, I’ve been storing them in a big Santa Clause type bag that I carry with me everywhere I go. They are out of sight, in storage, but not gone. I don’t store the really big hurts in there, just the billion and two little ones. The big ones I face. I face my bullies head on and I face the big hurts the same way. I process, analyze, take away what I need and then simply let it go. If I can change something to make it better, I do. If I can’t, then I accept it.

Those things in my list, the ones my own voice easily rattled off to me. Those things are not great big bullies, they aren’t in-my-face issues and they aren’t big, loud, confrontations. They are small things. Pick up the phone and call someone. Que up the Jeapordy theme song here because that’s what it feels like. That feeling of urgency, panic, and then the buzzer. I know when I’m feeling overwhelmed it makes it really easy for this feeling of non-confront to slide easily into place. Once that filter is there, I find even easy tasks become difficult.

After my meditation and prayer this morning I asked God what he wanted from me today. One word rang out in my head. CONNECT. Ughhh… that’s the first thing I have to confront –
my fear of reaching out. Connecting with people means letting them in and opening myself up to more hurt, disappointment and rejection. God knows that and told me to do it anyway. I really don’t want to… said like a stubborn, tantrum throwing two year old! And yet… it is the thing I want the most.

These verses came to mind:

• For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)
• Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)
• For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)
• Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

What’s causing the fear though? Do you know how many times the Bible says do not be afraid? There are enough that we could read one a day for a whole year and not cover all of them! So, that leads me to believe that fear is not of God and does not serve me well in this instance.

Ways I overcome the feeling of non-confront or fear:

• Make a list of what I need to do. Crossing things off my list is so empowering!
• I imagine me doing the thing I need to do and doing it well, which really helps to reduce the fear and/or anxiety.
• I grab my essential oil Go-to’s and apply them! A little Joy over my heart lifts my spirits and a touch of Valor or Believe oil really do wonders for lifting my courage.

I really focus on what I can do.