Sometimes I’m overcome with an irrational fear over doing something and it’s almost always a simple something like make a phone call or ask a question. How I confront myself in those times.
Setting goals can be pretty overwhelming, right?
There is so much to work on, get done, decisions to make and things to accomplish that it’s easy to get spinning in circles! We, as a society, are just plain busy. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, email, texting, blogs, news and so much more! We are constantly being bombarded with information! It can be overwhelming.
We are constantly being bombarded with information!
Creativity is an amazing outlet. When I’m creating is when I’m most excited about life. So, it’s not surprising that a few years ago when life became more difficult than I could handle, the first thing to go was my creativity. Away went my camera, scrapbooking supplies, ink, and stamps, all of it. It all got boxed up and ignored. Every time I thought I might want to do something, even a simple something, all of the life-crushing pain of that difficult time came pouring back in. I would quickly drop the thought of creating anything and run from it!
Have you ever been so hurt that joy felt like a magnifying glass to the hurt? Yeah, I was there too.
My prayer for the last few years, my sincere prayer, was that God use me where He wants me. Slowly, I started getting nudged to be creative. Not that, I just can’t, what else can I do Lord?
Have you ever negotiated with the Creator?
I openly acknowledged that He had really gifted me with an ability to coach and encourage people. I just knew things sometimes and could give them advice and I knew it wasn’t from me. I offered that up. God smiled and said, yes, do that.
I worked and worked at it. I needed to make it happen. I prayed and cried. Lord, why isn’t this working?!
I felt the response; Where is the creativity in what you’re doing?
Oh Lord, I can’t do that!
I started dreaming of the creative things I used to make and the things I wanted to make. In the morning, upon recalling the dreams, I would again be overwhelmed with the unbearable extremely hurtful time. The anger, frustration, and complete heartache would wash over me and I’d run from the creative ideas. Instead of making a card, I would just sit and cry over what had been shattered.
I prayed harder for direction and for it to be super obvious because I can be dense.
I was actively praying and seeking guidance for two years! Did it take me two years to listen? No, it took two years for God’s plan to be perfectly laid out and to move me to where I needed to be to accomplish it! OH, that feels me with so much emotion! Love, Joy, gratitude, humbleness, and more.
Every excuse I’d been handing up started to be resolved!
- Lord, I don’t have the time! I’m so tired at this job.
- Done. I got laid off. I knew at that moment it was from God and I never suffered a second of remorse. I felt great peace in that decision.
- Lord, I have all of this emotional baggage that I can’t get past.
- I’m a Young Living Essential Oil distributor and the conference was in Salt Lake and my husband and I went. Just before leaving I was introduced to something called the Aroma Freedom Technique (AFT). I am a very down to earth, straight forward, must be logical person. My AFT intro shocked me! So much that I will write a second blog today and tell the whole story and then I’ll come back here and link it!! That’s how stunning it was!
- Anyway, I told my husband about this amazing experience and that this was a brand new process and they would be at the convention! We determined we would find them and learn more. We went to the convention with 30,000 other people. The AFT people (I was so shocked by what I experienced that I hadn’t even taken notes on who I needed to find!) were not listed in the agenda so I didn’t know where to find them. By the end of the week I was tired and had given up finding them. Friday morning I found myself standing in a long line waiting for a class to open up. I was on my phone – doing nothing really, I just didn’t feel social! I felt a strong nudge to talk to the woman next to me. Nope. I don’t want to. Talk to her. No, I’m too tired and she’s busy on her phone. Talk to her. I don’t have anything to say and I’m not good at small talk. Talk to her.
- Note here that I knew it was the Holy Spirit talking to me and I was IGNORING it!! I was arguing! ugghhh
The woman in front of me addressed those of us in line and asked our name and where we were from. I answered, she answered Angie and we kept going. The woman then asked us what we did other than Young Living. I answer and then the woman next to me, that I’d been being led to talk to and was avidly arguing that I didn’t want to, replied that she was the personal assistant to Dr. Perkus of the Aroma Freedom Technique.
I felt my head spin to my right and my chin hit my chest! I knew my eyes were way too big and that she felt my surprise as she actually moved away from me a little! “You are who?” She replied again. Oh Lord, you are so good!! Even when I’m being a spoiled brat you love me. What I said was, “It is so very nice to meet you Angie, I was introduced to AFT just a week ago and really want to learn more! Can I connect with you?” She said yes and added me to FB right there in line! A week later I was signed up for the course so I could share AFT with others. I wanted everyone to experience the shift that I had!
- I didn’t need AFT. It wasn’t for me. I needed to use it on others and use it I did! I reached out to everyone I knew and gave session after session away while I learned the technique and because I knew how powerful it was!
- No clients though. Although everyone raved about the amazing results and wanted more free sessions, they were suddenly too broke to pay for a session or simply didn’t find it worth paying for.
- I prayed again for God to use me so that I could change lives in his name. Again I felt creativity come forward. I can’t Lord, not that! Please, anything else! And then I wrote a blog post. I hadn’t written in years! It wasn’t great, but it felt great to create!
- I knew I needed to deal with my issues so I did an AFT. Not much happened. I wasn’t actually ready to deal with it and I knew it. I was hiding in the pain. If I put myself out there again, I put myself in the path of all of that pain again and I didn’t want to. I had a few friends start praying for me and one day I woke up with so much going on in my head! I was angry and frustrated and overwhelmed with reminders of the past! I grabbed my oils and sat down. I was ready.
- Through AFT I found the shift that I needed. I absolutely understood how I had connected my pain to my craft and how I had been holding onto things that I needed to let go. I heard in my head “WHY are you holding onto that? You don’t even want it!” I felt the shift in that second. I didn’t want it! I was mourning something I didn’t have and it had stopped me for years and in that second I not only understood I didn’t actually want it, but I let it go! I stood up and through the most anguished tears I’ve experienced in a very long time, I said out loud what I should have done years ago. I forgave. I said out loud what I forgave and who and found myself pouring out things I didn’t even know I was holding onto! When I was done I was exhausted and felt so light!
Was my life made perfect and wonderful in that moment? No. I was freed from the bondage of hurt, pain, and unforgiveness. I finally gave it to God and that day that happened I had the most amazing epiphany and wrote a blog post on the Armor of God. I was so raw and vulnerable that day, I needed protection and out of the blue, the Armor of God appeared in my thoughts! It was spectacular and I walked through the steps and then sat down and wrote that post! I wrote it with all of the love and passion that I was feeling in that moment! And it was good! It was so good to write and imagine and to create and share!! YES!!! God used my pain to heal!!! I found myself reciting I am full of Joy, gratitude and grace. All the time! Randomly I would find myself repeating it over and over in my head. I am FULL of Joy, gratitude and grace. Always!
I have my first creative workshop coming up. I’ll admit I am terrified! What if, what if, what if! What if they don’t like it? What if I am boring and not creative? What if it’s no good? What if no one likes it.
So my word for 2018 is GUSTO! I considered Boldness, but I want more than that for my life! I want to not only be bold enough to do what I’m called to do, but (despite the fear) I want to tackle it with gusto! My Vision Board Workshop is online through Zoom this coming Saturday. Despite the fear, I’m going to go through with it with
Have you ever heard of a Thankful Jar or Gratitude Goblet? Ok, so I just now made up Gratitude Goblet because I’m mostly dealing with adult children now and it sounds more grown up. Either way, it’s the same idea.
Sometimes it’s just about helping that ONE person. Sometimes it’s just about having that ONE person see you!
I am not a gardener. When I decided to plant a garden I had to research what plants would grow well in this area and where to buy them. I had a goal of having a beautiful garden, so I put a lot of time into research, digging up and clearing the land and buying the right seeds. Imagine this beautiful space with a bright, white trellace for lush, green snap peas to climb! Then there are the delicious, bright red strawberries dangling just within reach! The lovely stalks of corn with their silky tops reaching to the sky and the potatoes, carrots and zuchini filling the ground. OH!!! I loved my garden! I did as I’d read and went into the garden and watered it and pulled the weeds. I’d done my research, I knew what to do!
My friends and family would come over and we would sit in the sunshine and enjoy the fruits of my labor. They marveled at my lovely garden and ate of the fruits. Then my mom came over. She IS an amazing gardener! She can get anything to grow! Even things that shouldn’t grow up here in the cold north will grow for her.
She gasped at the colors in my garden and then pointed to the beautiful, purple topped flower in the corner. I didn’t know what it was, but it was so pretty so I just left it there. She told me the name of it and that it was a horrible weed! It was one of those weeds covered in tiny little needles and no matter how thick the gloves were when we pulled it out, we were likely to get pricked from it. YIKES! Once she pointed it out to me, I realized how many more of those pretty purple, flower topped weeds were in my garden! I set to work pulling them out. By the time I was done my fingers were bleeding and hurt for days! Those little needles had some kind of poison ithem so, although I got the the little thorn out, they still burned and itched for a long time!
Again I could look at my garden and marvel at the beauty! Again my mother came for a visit. See these low growing, wide leaf plants here? She pointed to the ground. Sure enough, there were thick, fuzzy, wide leaf plants there! She taught me about them and that those would grow deep roots and steal nutrients from the important plants in my garden. I reached for one and was shocked by how deep the root was! It went down and down! When did these nasty things get here? I went to work pulling them all out. I was hot and sweaty and dirty, but it was worth it!
Now I could sit back and enjoy my garden! No, mom says now I need to get out the little rake thing and loosen the dirt around the plants to make sure I dug out the little hidden weeds. Also, she points to the lovely little tree growing in the corner of my garden. I was going to leave that there I told her. I see it and water it! Isn’t it pretty? Sure it is she replies. You should know though, that that is a pine tree. Although beautiful, the sap in the trees drip down onto the soil and make it too acidic to grow anything, not even weeds. Oh. I didn’t know that. She also pointed out that a tree in that corner of my garden will block all of the sunshine. I looked at that tree almost every day and never thought of it a problem or a barrier to what I wanted to achieve. Ok, that tree needs to go. Again I get out the shovel and do the work of removing the tree and the roots so it doesn’t continue to poison my garden.
I’m enjoying the ripe, lucious strawberries and crisp snap peas today when I looked down and there was one of those spiky, purple topped weeds! It is right at the base of my favorite zuchini plant! How did that get there? I grabbed my gloves and reached down to pull it out. The little spikes poke at me in resistence. It doesn’t want to leave! I try again. No luck. Mom says to break it off a few inches above ground and cover it with a heavy rock. Yeah, I’ll do that. I’m aware of it now, I’ll deal with it later. Later that week mom shows up with a little shovel and goes to work on that weed. It’s so deep! We really have to dig to get to it, but we have to be careful to get all the roots or it will grow back.
Now, for those of you that are on the AFT journey with me, you probably have already realized that the garden I’m talking about are my memories and the experiences that shaped me to be me. Mom is AFT. When I look out at my garden I can see the beautiful fruit; my family and friends, the things I’ve accomplished and the things I’m working towards.
I would never expect to plant a huge garden and simply have to water it for the season. It’s going to take some work. Setting and reaching our goals are going to take some work too! We need to let mom into the garden to find the things sucking the life out of our plants (dreams).
I had influential people in my childhood that poured into me. They told me I was smart and that I was a good writer, so I grew up believing I was smart and could write. I would look into my garden and see that. It took AFT to point out the seeds of doubt hiding in the shadows of those plants. The doubt was strangling my confidence and I didn’t even know it!
I’m in a Create Your 30 Day Miracle Challenge and I went into it with a goal. I expected, like with gardening, that I would need to pay some attention to my intentions and act on them. What I didn’t expect were the hidden little things that were stopping me! Those seeds of doubt were buried deep and had strong roots! It took me a couple of AFT sessions to get deep enough to actually identify what was stopping me, but when I did BOOM!! I felt so much lighter! With each session I’m able to identify seeds planted by others and dig them out! Once they are removed, I am free of their influence.
I love to write. I love to share with others and I love writing this blog. It doesn’t even matter if no one else ever reads it. I want to be here sharing, so I am. This analogy hit me this morning and I just had to share it! My mom really is an amazing gardener and is so skilled at it! I really am not. It took her pointing the weeds out to me before I knew what they were, so this really hit home. I hope you enjoyed reading it and it was as impactful to you as it was to me!
I’m certain there are more seeds of doubt and creeping vine in my garden, but that’s for another season 🙂
What is stopping you or sucking the life out of your garden?
Certified AFT Practitioner
I woke up this morning with this beautiful analogy in my thoughts. I’m a mountain girl. I grew up around Missoula, MT and absolutely love the area. One of my favorite things was to walk in the streams (or brooks/creeks) and look at the pretty rocks. I learned pretty quickly though that the beautiful rocks in the water changed drastically once dry and to just leave them where they were. Plus, my mom didn’t much appreciate me having piles of rocks in my room.
Today it came to me that our lives are like a stream. Everything we experience is like the bed of the stream. The boulders in the middle are the big events in our lives. They are obvious and are usually sticking out of the water. They don’t really alter the direction of the stream and if they aren’t too big, then the water can actually run over them and keep going. Some are much too large for that and the water is divided and forced to go around the barrier, sometimes causing us to get stuck at it and sometimes just going around it.
The rest of the natural path under quick flowing water is made of rocks, pebbles, sand and the natural dirt of the area. The water continues to rush over billions of pebbles unhindered. That’s our life! All of our experiences are either various sized pebbles that sit under the surface, unseen, yet still guiding our direction or large, obvious boulders disrupting the smooth surface of our lives. The pebbles build up over time and make the most change in the course of the water. Layer after layer can be added and, from the outside, the course of the water appears the same. Slowly the direction of the stream can be changed by adding layers pebbles. The water will continue to trickle over the pebbles and easily glide over the small rocks. Eventually, if you add enough, even the boulder is covered and hidden by the water. Have you ever walked through a beautiful, crystal clear stream? You can see everything through the water, except where you have stepped or disturbed the creekbed. The once still bottom quickly muddies the water and makes it impossible to see anything. It takes a few seconds or so for the rushing water to clear the area again.
When I experienced AFT, I went into it totally aware of the boulders in my life. I’ve got them all mapped out. Some are so impactful they actually changed the course that I was going. Those I’m aware of and I learned from. Not all of them are bad either! Some are huge, life changing positive things. Some are serious God moments that made me aware of something and I changed in an instant. Some are big, ugly events that sit huge and forlorn in the middle of my way.
So, when I sat down for my first AFT, I thought I was well prepared. I know the things holding me back. I’m super self aware and always reading and learning and trying to move forward. What AFT did for me was unmuddy the water where I’d been walking so I could see the many pebbles under the surface. That first session, it wasn’t the boulders in my life that came forward. It was a tiny pile of pebbles cast into my stream by my stepmother. It was echoes of being told I wasn’t important, I wasn’t attractive and I … well I just wasn’t. Now, most of those things she didn’t say outright. She said things like, You know, you aren’t nearly as smart as you think you are or If you’d just lose weight you would almost be pretty. I don’t know why she insisted to me that I wasn’t smart or pretty. I don’t know why she found me to be such a threat. I’ll never know why she talked to me that way as she’s gone now, but now it really doesn’t matter.
Until that moment in that AFT session, I’d buried those memories. I dismissed them as unimportant. I haven’t even seen her in 30+ years. What she said to me didn’t matter. I had boulders in my life that said I was smart and I did matter. Those pebbles were still there though. So many of them hiding there. The AFT session brought them forward and I was able to deal with them and actually let them go for the first time. Decades after having dumptrucks of them poured into my stream, I finally saw them for what they really were. It was like holding dry, ugly rocks under crystal clear water and seeing them for the first time. It was so impactful for me! I hadn’t realized how many times over the years those negative pebbles were being handed to me! They did alter the direction I wanted to go, it was slow and over time and almost imperceptible, but it was there. They were hiding in the shadows of the boulders and in the muddied waters.
Really, it was like AFT just unmuddied the waters and let me see what was really sitting there. Normally, whenever I got to a well known boulder, I would just see the boulder and move around it. I was very aware of it and knew it to be a barrier for me. Those millions of tiny pebbles though, I never noticed them. It wasn’t just my stepmother, there were a few others that fed to the pile as well. They left my life almost as quickly as they entered it, so I never gave any thought to any of them. In that session I recognized the issue, acknowledged it, understood how it was stopping me and moved on from it. Thus, the word FREEDOM in Aroma Freedom Technique!
The water is beautiful and clear once again. I recognize what was said wasn’t really anything against me personally. It was her own hurts, her own issues and her need for … I don’t know what, but I released it and acknowledged that I am enough.
I want that for you! To look into the water and see it clear up is such an amazing experience. Changing the course of my future by acknowledging my past and letting it go… priceless.
After months of helping people move past barriers they didn’t even know were there, a surprising finding has occured. Sessions begin wherever the person needs and they are all over the board! Seriously, they are so varied I couldn’t even list the top five.
That’s not the surprising part. I expected that. As I was guiding someone through a session this week I had a feeling we would get to anger and then a serious shift for her. Sure enough, anger popped up and then a serious shift. That really got me to thinking. As I sit through these sessions and listen to people (which I love!), anger seems to be an umbrella emotion for other things. People feel rejected, abandoned, walked on, dismissed, and belittled. They feel unimportant and unheard. The memories that come forward almost always surprise the person and I hear “wow, I haven’t thought of that in years!” As they work through the emotions from beginning to end, it seems that anger (although often the final emotion) is actually disappointment, rejection, frustration or simply the desire to fight back.
At home I started putting my finding to the test. When someone says they’re angry, I talk to them about it. Every time it has been some other emotion at the root. Not really angry, just tired. Not actually angry, just feeling unheard. Huh, nope, not angry; just frustrated with the situation. Amazing. I moved this out to the people around me. When someone said they were angry/mad/ticked off etc, I listened intently and asked questions. Sure enough, there it was again. Don’t get me wrong, everyone mentioned here was mad, but what they were actually feeling was a loss of control or frustration with the current situation. So then, what is anger?
According to Dictionary.com:
1. a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.
So I took that definition and broke it down a little.
- First part: A strong feeling of displeasure? The definition of anger is not being pleased? Okay.
- 1. dissatisfaction, disapproval, or annoyance
- Second part: ……a feeling of belligerence aroused by a wrong.
- 1. a warlike or aggressively hostile nature, condition, or attitude.
- 2. an act of carrying on war; warfare.
- A strong feeling of not being pleased and is accompanied by a strong feeling of warlike attitude. Oh my! So, what is war then?
- 1. a conflict carried on by force of arms….
- So, based on all of this, anger could be defined as a strong feeling of dissatisfaction or disapproval accompanied with a warlike or aggressive hostility because of not being pleased. Another way to look at it is: A strong desire to force someone else to do it or see it our way. Wow!! Feeling rejected, abandoned, walked on, dismissed, belittled, unimportant and unheard!
- The solution is then to identify what behavior would be pleasing and realeasing those things that make you feel angry.
What happens when you get mad? What do you do about it? I challenge you when you are feeling angry, stop and think about it. Okay, you probably won’t think about it at the time, but what about afterwards? Why were you mad? Were you really mad or were you frustrated at something or someone? Is it because you feel you should have control over the situation or person? Did you feel unheard or rejected? Does your opinion really matter more that someone else’s? Why isn’t that person important enough to you for their opinion to be valued as much as yours? OR, why do you feel so unheard that you must force your opinion on others?
I’ve done many sessions on people that wanted to be softer, more gentle, more accomodating, more on purpose with their loved ones. In other words, they were looking for anger management. They found it. How? They identified what was making them feel out of control. Now, did they walk away perfect. Nope! They did walk away able to start knocking down barriers that were stopping them from finding peace and enjoying the people they loved instead of trying to have control. They left knowing it was their own issue and a tool to change it.
Do you think anger is a real emotion? Or do you think it is just an umbrella word we use to group emotions together and justify our tantrums or desire to control someone else(s)?
This post is not meant as judgement. I had to walk it before I could write it. I actually learned this lesson a few years ago, but only recently was I able to actually put it into words. The first time I realized that I was actually feeling dismissed and rejected when someone didn’t see something ‘my way’ I was appalled at myself! In that moment I realized that getting mad at them didn’t make it better, didn’t change anything and meant I didn’t think they were valued. I stopped and decided to rejoice in their value, which in turn made me feel valued! They felt heard, I felt important. Warlike behavior subsided. Anger vanished. I was forever changed. Not perfect, just changed and a lot less likely to need to force being heard or understood.
I love what I do and have always been drawn to helping and encouraging others. Offering AFT session gives me an avenue to help others reach their potential and release what’s holding them back. In other words, finding more pleasure in life!
Feel free to leave me a comment or reach out to me in email, text or wherever you know how to reach me with questions, comments or what you think of this post. I can take it! 😉
Thanks for being here. I appreciate you!
Do you ever get the feeling it’s just time for a change, that doing what you’ve been doing just isn’t working anymore? I’m there. I am not talking about moving or change in relationships or anything, I really enjoy:
- Working with people
- Problem solving
- Feeling like I’ve accomplishing something
- Writing/Communication (I’m one of those crazy people that LOVED speech class!)
- Brainstorming/Thinking outside the box/Being able to look ahead
- Working alone or as a team
I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last year, several years really. It’s been the last year though that has been so dramatic. I’ve learned I have a genuine love and acceptance for people. All people, even the ones I don’t understand. I genuinely care for them and want the best. I’ve learned that relationships really matter. I’m not a good friend. I’ll say that up front. I moved every year my whole childhood, never attending the same school for more than two years in a row. I never learned how to attach myself to a friend. I am a very loyal friend though. If you tell me a secret, I won’t share it. If you need to talk something through, I can look at it neutrally and help you figure it out and I won’t judge you for it. If you are my friend, I assume it’s because you want to be and you don’t have any preconceived ideas of how I should be your friend. I assume that, because I am that way. I’ve learned that is not the case. People feel let down if they are an active, seek out the friend kind of people. I don’t seek people out. I don’t think to call a friend up just to chat. In person, I can chat with you for hours. Unprompted? Not so much.
I’ve learned that although I do not need praise for doing anything. Not at work, not at church, not at home, I DO need to know I’m an important part of the team. This is very important to me. I wasn’t really aware of it until this year. Oh, I’ve known for quite some time that I was feeling very left out and unappreciated in a few areas of my life, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I’m a team player. I can’t help it. I’m decisive and a leader and a problem solver. I’ts how God made me. I can see through the bull, even when I let you continue with it. I’m often aware that it’s untrue and if you mean to be lying or are just caught up in the moment. Sometimes I’ll call you out, but mostly I’ll make a mental note that you lied.
I’m very creative. I’m very analytic. I know! These are two complete opposites! I’m very extroverted and confident in front of people. I love speaking to groups of people. I do not like crowds. Sometimes, I feel shy and uncomfortable and I don’t want to be around people. Again, opposites.
I love to counsel people. I love listening to their stories, to their struggles and to their joys. I love helping others work through problems and seeing it from outside the box to help them cope and see the joy hidden in the heartache and the hope in the desperation.
I’m an oldest, youngest, middle child that moved a lot growing up but was surrounded by such a variety of personalities in my own family, that it’s easy for me to accept others for who they are. My father was married and had children with three women. I was the oldest with his second wife, making me the youngest of the children by his first wife. He went on to have more children, making me a middle child.
I was born with a strong faith. I have always known there was a God and he loved me. Not matter what, He loved me and was there for me. Bad things happened. I got mad at the people, but I never thought to get mad at God. Isn’t that odd? I know a lot of Christians and non-Christians and lot of people that have been or are currently, quite angry with God. They blame him for everything bad in their life. He should have this or should have not allowed that. He should have stopped this or given that. I don’t know they why behind what happens, I do believe with all my heart that it happened for a reason, even if the reason was choices someone (maybe not even me or you) made a very long time ago.
Family is important to me. Family history/genealogy is important to me. Peoples stories are important. Family photos are important. I’m not a great photographer, but I love being out with my camera. I love capturing moments and sharing them. I love helping people capture their stories.
My perfect job would be just that. I would help people research their family history and write their family story. Not a dry, boring autobiography, but one of love, trial, growth, joy, sadness, regret, and wisdom. I recognize the importance of this. I’m aware of it with my whole being. It is important.
Yet. I haven’t done it myself. I haven’t written my story. I don’t have all of my photos in albums. I don’t journal. Again, opposites.
My life is too chaotic. I know this. I know I need to fix it. I don’t. I need to. I feel it, like rushing water running over me. Fix it, fix it, fix it. Downsize. Too much stuff. It needs to go. Simplify. Yet, the new job I now possess, possesses me. It consumes me. It does not make me feel like an important part of the team. It drains me. I do not need accolades. I do not need awards. I do not need ceremony. I do need acknowledgement. I do need to feel appreciated. I am consumed and it leaves very little for family, friends, social life or activity.
I have everything I could need to create many beautiful scrapbooks/photo albums. I know how important it is. I feel it in every ounce of my being. It IS important. I know this. I dream it, I think it, I FEEL it. I know this to a be a truth. It is important. I don’t do it. I come down here and sit in this large room full of paper and tools and albums and photos and… I don’t do it. I want to, so very desperately, I want to. I want to save my photos and their stories. I want to leave that rich history for my children. I want to help others to do the same. I desperately want to, with an ache that fills me until I almost can’t breathe. Sometimes, I drown in the ache of it. It overwhelms me and consumes me and leaves me feeling like a failure. Desolate. Empty.
I feel called to share my spiritual gifts, called! In a loud and persistent way. Like a strong wind at my back kind of way. I am to share what God has given me, what I have learned, what I know and what I love. I’ve been trying for years to figure out how. I give and share and show. I almost beg to be allowed to share my gifts and what God has blessed me with. I am denied. I am rejected. I am shut out. At first, I was devastated. I am called to share these things. I have strengths and skill and passion and they are fired from the Holy Spirit. Left to just me, they would wither and die, but they don’t. They are there. They are whispering: use me. I try. I offer. I almost beg. Nothing. Dismissed. Rejected.
I won’t give up. I’m not sure if that is a strength, or a weakness, but I keep going. I keep searching. I keep trying. I keep working.
It is time for change. I don’t know what it looks like. I do know that it must be. It has to be.
Conflict. It is the one constant.
You never know who you will be influenced by or who will influence you. My older sister passed away many years ago and I still miss her deeply. I miss her laugh and the amazing way she had to encourage all of those around her. She had such a big personality and an even bigger heart and she loved with so much passion and energy. Although she had about a dozen siblings between her parents multiple marriages, she took the time to keep in touch with all of us and all of our cousins! She would call just to chat and then keep me up to date on everything happening in the family. I admired her greatly. I respected how devoted she was to all of us and how she made it a priority to contact each of us and check in. She was such a positive influence in my life.
I also learn from those that influence me in other ways. There is the person I looked up to and thought I wanted to emulate, until I spent a great deal of time around them. Whew! I learned quickly and deeply to recognize those attributes in myself that mirrored hers and I began to work on changing them. Although they were a defense mechanism and something I had labeled as me being strong, they were not. They were selfishly driven and unkind. Once I saw them for what they really were in her, I was able to recognize them in me and let them go. It was difficult dealing with the remorse and shame I felt once I saw the behaviors for what they were. Everytime I found myself moving towards that shared behavior I would recall her and how awful it was from the outside. This quickly caused me to choose a different way of responding.
My point is, we all have positive and negative in our lives. We can learn from both just as equally. It’s so easy to see the negative in others while being blinded to it in ourselves. Have you heard the saying, “You are the combination of the five people you spend the most time with.” or
- Good friends are respectful
- Good friends return the favor
- Good friends avoid beating around the bush
- Good friends try to avoid gossip (I would change this one by crossing out try)
- Good friends stand up for their friends
I thought this was a great list. Friendship can be very difficult in today’s world. We are all so busy and pulled in so many directions. It’s been my experience that friendships are work. I make friends easily, but struggle to keep friendships going. It’s because I am not one to pick up the phone and call, which is why I respected my sister so much for that simple trait! It came so easily to her! I struggle with it. I don’t want to interupt or be a bother. The second reason is, I am actually not very good about sharing me. I feel my struggles are mine and I don’t want to burden someone else with them. So, I don’t. I’ve come to realize that to others that might feel like I’m holding back or standoffish. When in reality I’m aching to share, I just never really learned how.
Sharing AFT (Aroma Freedom Technique) is as much a blessing to me as to those receiving it. Every time. This past week I was able to help two friends that I care deeply for. Seeing the burden lifted from their shoulders and knowing they left with more hope than they walked in with lifted me in ways I can’t even put into words. I have no doubt God is using my life experiences, love for teaching and sharing, and sincere desire to help people to touch lives.
When I share AFT with someone, it’s like I step into myself. What is AFT? It is a 12 step process that uses imagery, guidance from me and strategically placed aroma therapy to help you get from where you are to where you want to be.
Sounds amazing and fun, right? That’s because it is!
This world is so full of hurt. So full of anguish and disappointment. My heart breaks ….. It was a beautiful morning. Sun was shining, the bees were bouncing around the yard. As I typed this the clouds moved in and it began to sprinkle! So perfect.
This song is playing: Crowder: Come As You Are
Lay down your burdens
Lay down your shame
All who are broken
Lift up your face
YES!!!!! This is why I do what I do.
Find hope. You are worth it.